23 May

Plant and meat eaters

Hemingway once said that it takes two years for humans to learn how to talk and the next 50 years to learn how to be quiet. That is certainly proving true with our talkative daughter, who at age the age of 4 and 10 months speaks nonstop, without periods and without breathing, all day, everyday. Between her never-ending monologues, dialogues and soliloquies, it is ever more challenging to keep track of all the funny or off the wall comments she utters, yet I managed to capture just a few:

Latest bedtime ploy, “Mommy turn on the light so I can see your beautiful face.”

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“If being a mommy is such hard work, why did you choose it?”

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“Do you ever sleep on daddy?”  (gasp!)

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Me: “Please don’t use that baby voice.”

Ella: “We are all different. Just like your porcupine story (Jezeva Kucica) is cute to you, so my baby voice is cute to me.”

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Me: “Ella, please wait until I’m done talking with daddy and then you can tell us what you want.”

Ella: “But…”

Me: “Ella, please wait until we are done.”

Ella: “But how will I know if you are done? I’m not you, I’m Ella. We are not the same, we are all different. I don’t know what’s in your brain.”

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Baba: “Ella, EAT YOUR FOOD!”

Ella: “Baba, stop yelling at me.”

Baba: “I will when you start to eat. So EAT!”

Ella: “Yelling is not nice. Please use your indoor voice.”

Baba: “BUT I’VE USED MY INDOOR VOICE 4 TIMES AREADY AND YOU DIDN’T LISTEN. SO NOW I’M YELLING.”

Ella: “It makes me feel sad when you yell at me.”

Baba: “And you make me angry when you don’t eat.”

Ella: “Baba, you are hurting my feelings.”

Baba: “And you are hurting mine by not eating.”

Ella: “But that’s not very nice and politeful things to say.”

Baba: “…” (gets up and goes out for a cigarette)

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Ella’s friend from preschool, excitedly showing me her take home firefighter coloring book: “We can paint in here!”

Ella, interrupting: “What she means to say is ‘We can color in here.’”

What a little brat.

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373“These blue scissors are not as sharp as purple ones so they are the plant eaters. The purple ones are super sharp so they are meat eaters.”

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“You know, some kids are allergic to cow milk so they have to drink soil milk and lots of kids like soil milk because it tastes like maple cookies. And I am not allergic to cow milk, I am allergic to band-aids.”

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On the topic of “When I grow up I want to be,” Ella’s career choices have fluctuated a lot over the past few months:

  • Teacher like mommy
  • Teacher and mommy
  • Not mommy, because it hurts and it’s so hard
  • An actress but I don’t know how to get inside the TV
  • A Golden Gate Bridge toll collector
  • A cow girl

And the latest

  • I don’t ever want to grow up, I want to be a kid forever!

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